Time out...

I had a weekend away in Brisneyland with some friends. As always, it was good to get away. This trip, even though I had my work mobile with me, I chose to ignore it. I really felt like I needed to do that. This was an amazing trip for me. Somehow, God only knows how this is possible, but I felt even more close to my family than ever. Especially my big sister. I wish we had more wine and more time to chat about stuff...

So, here's some pics from a day trip. I think pictures speak heaps. You can make your own story up here:










Then finally to be back in Sydney, on the ferry and heading for home...

Unconscious Mutterings :: Week 373

1. Burrito ::YUM!
2. Spike ::my drink, please.
3. Tougher :: than you.
4. Mock :: your efforts.
5. Slurp :: lick
6. Knock :: on wood
7. Conference ::Yay!, Time of work!
8. Madness :: Baggy Trousers
9. Minds :: Simple
10. Connection :: lost

Beating myself up...

It's something I do well. Lately I've not been treating myself the best. I've been a little down. It's weird how these feelings tend to feed on themselves.

If you've ever dealt with depression yourself, you'll know how hard you can be on yourself when you're down. I am my own worst enemy.But I hide it well.

And I'm disappointed. I'm an angry man right now. Some of this stems from isolation. Now, frankly, I don't live too far away from my mates. Surely a visit every now and then would be ok. But sometimes I feel like I might as well live in another state. I live in a wonderful place. There is so much here. The ocean, the cliffs, the nature walks, the bays, the food and drink. It's an amazing place. The walks around the harbour from The Spit to Manly are world class. So, then I think it's me. Maybe I'm not super company. I beat myself up.

I know that's not true. But that's just the thing. I know I'm beating myself up.

Other times, you know, if you plan to do something simple, like just go to the gym, you feel tired, feel work stressed, thinking about stuff going on in your family, and you think "I just want to go home and stop". When I don't go to the gym... I beat myself up. I look in the mirror, and I'm not there. I don't like what I see. I'm a fucking grown man and yet I have hang-ups that hold me back.

Little things... they get to you. I beat myself up. But anyway...

I feel like this every now and then. For me, that's my depression. I'm aware of it. I'm VERY aware when it's enveloping me. I wake up on the floor after numbing myself. But, it's not some dark cloud. It's not some weird fog. It's just anger, disappointment and loneliness. These days I have high expectations of myself... When I don't achieve, I beat myself up. But I hide it well. We all feel these things. Don't we?

But, I have this blog. It allows me to say what I'm feeling. I don't share my inner feelings too often. I'm not the sort of man who would share this with his mates, yet, I will share it here. Depression is insidious. If you don't suffer from it, then I would never expect you to understand the spiral. Sometimes, every now and then, that spiral is fast and dives deep. It's dangerous. It can be very dangerous.

This post is one of those that I would usually never publish. But here goes...

An easy one: What would you do if you won lotto?

1) Buy Mum and Dad a retirement property on the Gold Coast. 2) Go and climb The Alps for a few months

Ask me anything

What would be the best thing about being a vampire?

Scaring the shit out of people.

Ask me anything

Caption this...

Go on, give me you're best caption for this pic...

Treasure trails...

I love them.

Recently I had the absolute privilege of spending a few hours wandering around The Rocks with one of this country's leading archeologists and historians. He told me so many stories about the people and places that made Australian's who we are. It was an intimate insight that I know I'm very lucky to have had his knowledge shared with me.

While wandering around, standing on seemingly innocuous patches of bitumen or paved land, the stories of the land beneath my feet became more than pages in a long lost school history book. They became real. Very real. Men became more than characters in history, they became real men. Some of the stories of these early settlers even had a connection to my home town of Ipswich. We talked about the artifacts that had been excavated. Most of which helped build a picture of a very different day to day life than today.

This just added to my recent found love of Australian history. I've been dreaming of finding a connection to the past... Dreaming of being a treasure hunter.

I know where to look too. It's not where many other people have looked before. I know this because it's off the coast. There is a spot off the coast I've had my eye on for a few years. I know there is something there. I know this because I've been diving there and I've found things there before. I've brought these things to this historian and he's told me about the life that these objects had before ending up on the sea floor... even how they may have got there.

I've just ordered a new underwater housing for my camera and I so want to go and find something more. I know where to look. I've found a couple of broken items there before. I know it may take a couple of dives to try and find the exact location again.

I know the dangers of diving by myself. But, I'm bloody keen. Stupid brain and stupid sense of adventure. I know I need this. C'mon, you know me, you know I like stuff like this. Something takes over and I just follow the desire. But, I've put the call out for a like minded dive buddy, but so far no luck. Sydney divers aren't interested in this sort of dive. It's all "let's keep moving", pretty fishes or nothing to most of them. This dive would involve being in one spot and searching.

There are men like me out there... I know it. There has to be.

Unconscious Mutterings :: week 372

1. Children :: noise
2. Saddlebags :: fat ass
3. Restraint :: fun
4. Awake :: from the dead
5. Blood :: on your hands
6. Shutter :: speed
7. Posted :: yesterday
8. Corn cob :: yum
9. Flagrant :: disregard
10. Fart :: protein

The 80's...

are back.

Got a few hours spare in Sydney? Then head on to The Powerhouse Museum for their exhibition featuring the 80's. It was fascinating, and anyone who really grew up in the 80's would appreciate this exhibit. It was fun. Ok, the children in the "Rave" section who were all shouting along to Salt N Pepa's "Push It" were a little annoying, but the whole exhibition made me realise I grew up in a very important decade. It really did pave the way for a lot of what many people take for granted these days and there were many lessons learnt... Like certain fashion should NEVER be revived.

So, if you were a child of the 80's "do yourself a favour" and go and check it out.

Unconscious Mutterings :: week 371

1. Detective :: story
2. Bangs :: she-
3. Consultant :: time waster
4. Puzzle :: piece
5. Learn :: to play
6. Necklace :: design
7. 184 :: 13
8. Stimulation :: buzz
9. Layered :: Photoshop file
10. Police :: radio

This is possibly THE GREATEST TV SHOW EVER!

It's a travel show, and it's about booze from all over the world! It combines two of my most favourite things. Why oh why have I not heard of this show before?!

The premise: The host, Zane, travels the world sampling the local drinks and associated culture that go with them. And he gets drunk. And that's one thing I really like about this show. They don't edit that bit out. Each episode often ends with the morning after and Zane sampling a local hangover cure. Last night's show about Croatia was fantastic.

The other thing I like about this show is that it has its own drinking game. And during the show you are encouraged to play along. It's not some lame internet game, it's actually promoted as part of the show. Here are some of the main rules:

1. (I think this is the most important one) When Zane takes a drink, you take a drink.
2. There is a stuffed monkey named Pleepleus (Zane's drinking buddy) that might appear on the screen. When it does the first person to spot it takes a drink.
3. When someone burps you all must give the "good burp" sign. The last person to do this has to take a drink.
4. If Zane mentions his mate Steve everyone takes a drink.

There are more rules, but these are the 4 main ones.

Oh, and there's even a movement called "Sheet It Forward" where when you see a fellow 'Three Sheets' fan sporting 'Three Sheets' or Pleepleus merchandise, you simply buy him or her a drink... A way to be kind to your fellow man and sheets fan.

I heart this tv show. I think I'll buy the DVD so I can watch it over and over and over again. Bottoms up!

I'm not a fan

and don't think I ever will be.
Fat people love JetStar and young mums with babies love JetStar, but Muzbot doesn't... but at last minute I had to get a flight and JetStar gave me the best price. I hope I don't have to travel last minute too often.

I'm loving this right now...

Kasper Bjørke: Efficient Machine

Unconscious Mutterings :: week 370

1. Harm :: self
2. If :: only
3. On my own :: I'll make it
4. She said :: He said
5. Illegal :: fun
6. Broke :: but wealthy
7. It’s a :: war!
8. Chatting :: wasting time
9. Cottege :: ?
10. Podcast :: work

Everybody loves a parade...

right?

I find the Mardi Gras parade cringe worthy. I hear from people "It's moved on. It's no longer a protest, it's a celebration!" A celebration of what? What the hell are we celebrating here? Oh, we've come so far. Yes, but I think the right to wear Lycra, sequins and feathers while wandering up the street behind a corporate logo somehow puts the parade in the bastardization category. There were community and support groups in the parade, but I think they were the ones squashed between the Virgin and Foxtel floats... and then we have the cliche groups. None of whom I really identify with. But I'm supposed to aren't I? I'm one of them, quick, pop me into that box.

Years ago, and really I'm not talking too long ago, the parade had satire and wit. It had fun. If you were watching on the sidewalk, standing on your plastic milk crate, you would crane your neck to see what the people down the street just let out a laugh and cheer for. What was coming next and who were they having a dig at? Who was going to cop a ribbing as the community made their point? The "We've got something to say!" has gone.

Maybe I'm becoming a cynical man. But can anybody tell me what the Mardi Gras parade was about this year? No, not the "theme", but what it was REALLY all about? I doubt it. Oh, hang on, someone over there in the corner just shouted out "it's about the dollar, and we've sold out to anyone who'll toss us a coin".

Now, before I come across as a bitter man, I have to say that I think Mardi Gras is a fantastic festival - as a whole... and I don't want to rain on the parade of those who got into it. I guess put simply, the parade, well, it's just not my thing... I don't think the parade represents me... Maybe next year I'll put together a float for men and women who would just like to wear a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, not get naked and not be identifiable as a subculture. We could carry a couple of signs that say "Hey look, we are not freaks, we actually are your daughters, sons, sisters and brothers. We are not a separate cliche. We aren't a mob of sexual deviants. We just are."

But then, even "The Gays" like to discriminate if you don't belong to a group so I doubt a float like mine would ever be permitted to march... oh, unless we had a major sponsor.

Interesting...

I don't really talk much about work here on my blog. It's something that I kind of keep separate, but recently I've been mixing it up a bit and got involved in a new project.

I've started producing the weekly podcast we like to call "Talks on The Rocks". It's a series of lunchtime talks held each Friday in our museum. Each week we have a guest speaker who comes in and gives a short talk on an aspect of Sydney. Usually, the talk is based on an aspect of culture or history of Australia, Sydney and The Rocks. They are truly fascinating.

I've learnt some interesting facts. For example, did you know that in 1806 alone 41,000 seal furs were shipped from the inner harbour shores. Forty one thousand! Now, on those rare occasions I see a seal in the harbour, and it does happen once or twice a year, I will appreciate the sight just a little more.

But, if you're interested in cultural diversity and history then feel free to pop on to iTunes and have a listen.

Yeah - it really is 3D...

you need red/blue glasses.

Your partner disconnected.

Press "Next" to find a new person!
Have you played "Chatroulette" yet? It's just the biggest time waster on the net ever. And it can actually be a bit of fun. Especially when you get people who are in for a chat and a laugh too. Here's some others from tonight:


Row 1 L to R:

1. Dude was too cool to talk to me.
2. This guy was so funny. Good sense of humor.
   
3. ZZZZzzzz

Row 2 L to R:

1. Bunny man. Didn't say much, just ate a carrot.
2. Ahhhhchooooo
3. "I'll just shake my head like a loon"

Row 3 L to R:

1. Hello. Ummmm, say something will you.
2. The man in the orange mask was funny... in the head I think.
3. Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

But by far the best chat was with a guy who had just come in from dance rehearsals. He was intelligent, incredibly good looking (in a dancer "hot body" way, and no I didn't capture his picture) and was actually up for a chat... unlike most people on it who see you and click "next". Maybe I shouldn't wear a singlet next time. Most of the guys who chatted to me asked me if I beat up my wife because I wore a wife beater. WTF?

Yeah, there is sleaze if you want it. Even if you don't want it then be prepared for it. The "next" button can be your friend too.

**Updated
There are so many drinking games you can come up with for Chatroulette.
I'd like to do this with a couple of mates and give it a go. Here's a couple of idea's for challenges:

1. See who can actually get a conversation started.
   
2. Last longer than 1minute.
3. The person with the longest conversation should win.
4. If you make your connected partner laugh then take a drink

Who wants to come and have a late night in Manly and play one night?

Two for tuesday...

Currently on high rotation:

Unconscious Mutterings :: Week 369

1. Teeth :: beer
2. Sweeten :: beer
3. Demons :: beer
4. Pizza :: beer
5. Protector :: beer
6. Smooth :: beer
7. Coat :: beer
8. Pebbles :: beer
9. Pregnant :: beer
10. Sing :: Vodka lime and soda yeeeaaaahhh.

Its complicated, it always is
That’s just the way it goes
Feels like I've waited so long for this
I wonder if it shows?

And under water now i can breath
It never felt so good
Cause i can feel it coming over me
I wouldn’t stop it if i could

Chorus:
Vodka lime and soda yeaaah
You know you can’t deny
Vodka lime and soda yeaaah
‘Cause you know it's good on ice

I'm picking up...

Good Vibrations (festival 2010).

It's no secret I like a live gig every now and then. Saturday in Sydney I had the opportunity to see a whole heap of it all smashed together into Centennial Park. Mark was along for this ride and this was his first taste of a festival done Sydney style.

First impressions: Wow, they are so many (sniffer) dogs! The police presence here was once again very highly visible. It was almost more entertaining watching the numerous people being pulled aside to be searched just after they had walked through the main entry.
Second impression: Holy crap there are sooooo many meat-heads in Sydney. This is definitely not a complaint. This is an observation and I was actually very impressed at the friendly nature of all these incredibly young, fired up, solid fit looking men. The amount of quality ink on show by these lads was also mighty impressive.

We were in early and first off on the main stage were Cassette Kids. A local band who won the Triple J Unearthed competition in 2008. Didn't know much about this band until today and I'm glad I saw them live. Time for a wander...
There were other stages around the park, but I really enjoyed "The Laundry". It was well set up and looked amazing. It was a DJ stage. The above mobile pic does not do it any justice.

My festival highlight would have to be Art Vs Science. These dudes were part of the reason I was here. I enjoy these guys live, more than their recorded stuff. The crowd went off and it was truly a fun afternoon. Then came...

Yep, Salt N Pepa. These two old ladies seemed to be really enjoying themselves. I kind of got the impression from them that they are more well received here in Oz than they are in their home town. They rapped out all the hits and threw in some covers. Spinderella cut it up with a small minute DJ set of "sing-along" tracks including "We are Family, Ice Ice Baby, I will Survive etc" which hearing many thousands of people sing along full voiced was actually a pretty magical moment. However, overall I was a little disappointed with Salt-n-Pepa. They were late onstage and ended a little early. Highlight, was when they acknowledged all the fans through out their career. Well done ladies.

Then the heavens opened up and down came the rain. A total blessing, releasing the inner hippie in everyone as we all partied in the rain and didn't care to run for cover.

Other highlights in brief:
Standing in line for drinks chatting away to the guy in front of us, conversation going like this:
Guy: Yeah, having a good time, but I needed to get some air. I'm clostrophobic.
Mark: Yeah, we're homophobic too.
Guy: Oh, yeah yeah, I'm that too! But, I work in Myer, so I don't mind so much. You know, the gay's like to shop. Actually I know a gay guy...
- - - -
Guy: What's with the crazy knitting lady on the hill?
Me: It's Lady Gaga
Guy: What?
Mark: Yeah, it's Lady Gaga doing her knitting.
Guy: No way...
Another guy in the line: Yeah, mate, it was Lady Gaga on the hill doing her knitting...
- - - -

I love the friendly vibes at these events. Most people are up for a chat.

Random guy: Hey!!! You're the dudes from the ferry this morning. Way to go Brother!

Another random guy to me as I dance away to some cool tunes on the main stage: Oh man, you're on fire!

Random chick: (throws her arm around me) Oh wow, did you work out before you came here? I did (and she flexes her bicep for me. This I believe was a truly random moment, as I'm not built and there were thousands of sexy, fit muscly dudes all around. Maybe this was her atempt at a pick-up line.)

I have no idea how many photos I will be in as Mark and I photo-bombed at every opportunity we could. Not that Mark needed to photo-bomb, he was asked to be in random photos by random strangers. We met so many people and many of whom I just wanted to bundle up together to come home with us.

Who's that crack?

Why sir, you've got a HUGE clock...

I forgot to mention, this was my 40th birthday present from my friends and family. It's that watch I've had my eye on. I love it.

Hell on earth...

that is all.

So these thoughts have been on my mind...

this week.

Fact: The earth's tides act as friction on the earth's rotation and slow it down.
So I've been thinking: During the ice ages day and night must have been quicker. If we still orbited the sun at the same speed then there must have been more days in a year. I wonder how long a year was?

Fact: The moon continues to spin away from the earth at a rate of just over an inch each year.
So I've been thinking: Millions of year's ago, the moon's pull on the tides must have been greater and the tides would have been monster! This would have been heaven for the creatures who lived in the intertidal zone. But does that also mean that the moon's effect on the tides is weakening and eventually the oceans will become big flat lakes? And will there be more days in the year because of the lack of friction on the earth's rotation like during the ice ages?

This is more a theory that I've come up with:
Most scientific models that I've seen on the expansion of the universe show it expanding like the surface of a balloon. It's been proven that this expansion is accelerating. Current theory's have the universe's rapid expansion reaching a point where it violently rips apart like the point where a balloon just bursts... so my theory is that maybe it won't rip apart. Maybe the universe is like a sound. It just keeps on going and never rips, it just gets fainter. Kind of magical.

I don't know anyone who I could even begin to discuss my thoughts with.
What's been on your mind?

Just when I was bored with TV...

comes along Moving Wallpaper.

Surfing mindlessly through dull Friday night TV, while most bachelors are out boozing it up on the town, I came across UKTV and a show called "Moving Wallpaper". I don't venture on to UKTV all that often as my viewing habits usually have my box stuck on Discovery, Nat Geo or Fox 8 and that's as far as I venture on Foxtel (yeah, money well spent).

As for a comedy show I thought it was average. But, I was glued to it. Forgive me a little here if you already know about this show, apparently it's a year or two old: It is a comedy series, similar to the Australian "Frontline" show, about the behind the scenes world of television. It centres on the production of a soap called "Echo Beach". It deals with the office bitchiness, the egos of bosses, the writters coming up with the story lines and to a lesser extent the stars of the soap. As I said, it was pretty average and I don't think I was laughing a hell of a lot, but it was the fact that following each episode of Moving Wallpaper was an episode of its soap "Echo Beach".

Echo Beach was a very typical soap. It's not satire, or at least I couldn't tell if it was or not, it was like watching an episode of "Home and Away". It was pure soap.

The good thing about this concept was the way the soap contained objects from the previous episode of Moving Wallpaper. Comments in moving wallpaper like "How are we going to make her have doubts?.. I know, let her find something in her husband's pocket." Then in Echo Beach the character picks up her husband's jacket and an earring falls out of the pocket. In Wallpaper the producer has a stuffed panda that he hates and kicks around his office, then in Echo Beach the panda, looking a lot worse for wear, ends up as a prop as one of the character's toys.

This, to me, is original television and a great concept. Sure the actual programs individually are not original TV in themselves or really that great, but it's the combination of them that make this interesting. Let's face it, it's the first time I've actually wanted to watch a soap in many many years.

I didn't have a great day today...

at work.

I've been stressing about one of my projects for a month or so now. During my holidays it was in the back of my mind. I just wanted everything to go well. Today was the day it all had to come together. Yesterday, I double checked all my equipment and left work a little less stressed because I had things under control. My test run through went perfect.

Today didn't go perfect. Ok, the technology all worked exactly how it should, but I just made a mistake. A simple mistake, like closing a file with-out saving it. I'm simplifying here because I can't go into details on this project.

I dwell on things. It's in my nature. I let things brew inside and on the way home from work today I felt so cranky with myself and I was bordering on being very upset. I didn't want to be at home by myself so I dumped my stuff here, threw on a pair of boardies, grabbed my snorkel and mask and walked around to Shelly Beach.

Sydney's weather is pretty crap at the moment. Heavy random showers, high humidity and most beaches are closed because of dangerous surf. Shelly, although protected from the ocean swell, was empty. I put on my mask and slipped into the cool water. As I floated along the top of the water a shower rolled in. The rain on my back was amazing. The tinkling sound as it hit the water was amazing. The curious school of Bream that swam with me was amazing. I turned to head back to the beach and let the waves move me forward. Suddenly I was surrounded by a huge school of thousands of small fish. It was amazing. But, schools of fish like this actually scare me because predators could be about. So I left the water and sat on the beach.

The heavy rain continued. As it ran down my face the taste of salty sea water was replaced with the very sweet taste of fresh water. I just closed my eyes and felt the moment and felt the world around me.

What problem at work?

Tunes...

I'm sure so many of my blog readers listened to the tunes I added last year. So I've decided to re-set my Fairtilizer playlist and start a new 2010 one. It's going to be a good way for me to keep track of the tunes I've enjoyed through the year and when it comes to voting in Triple J's hottest 100 this year I'll have all my faves ready to go (assuming that most of the songs I like are on Fairtilizer).

I've started with some tunes that have come to my attention so far this year, even though they are from the end of last year.



*ps: I'm buying the new Groove Armada album tonight.

Unconscious Mutterings :: Week 366

1. Furniture :: lounge
2. Beauty :: beast
3. Sip :: hot
4. Block :: head
5. Forehead :: bangs
6. Championship :: final
7. Hurl :: ey )(
8. Whip :: it good
9. Destruction :: construction
10. Leather :: love

Post...

party.

For my 4oth I asked my immediate family and my close friends to descend on my birth town for a game of barefoot bowls. This meant interstate travel for some of us, but we all made it and had a great morning. It meant a lot to me for my family to hang out together with my friends. It's something that does not usually ever happen.

It was also an excuse to take over the clubhouse and start drinking at 9am in the morning. We're champions.


For 40 I think I'm in mighty damn fine shape.

After the bowls club put on a lunch for us we all headed back to my big sister's house to continue the festivities, have some cake, lots of laughs and a few more beers. I had "moment" when my sister gave me a little book she had put together with photos of me from when I was a little lad right up to now. One thing I really missed this year, and it really broke my heart, was that my Granny was not there. One of the photos of me and Granny brought out a few emotions. But I re-grouped and continued to enjoy the arvo. My family brought out some old old old old home movies and I hope this didn't scare my mates too much. We are a rather fun/unique family.

Later in the evening, Judo, Dave, Mark and I drove back to Judo's hotel and proceeded to destroy it. Well, not in a rock star way, but in only a way that 3 drunks men and one sober man could. Mark looked mighty fine roaming the halls in the hotel robes and I enjoyed kicking toilet rolls into the vases in the room. We then went somewhere for a few more beers to finish off a mighty good day - birthday or not. I love my family and friends with all my heart.

I am alive...

I am on holidays
I have turned 40
I am having a great time
I will blog again soon.

Wednesday Haiku

Caught out by surprise.
Is that a present for me?
I like chocolate cake.

Unconscious Mutterings :: Week 364

1. Weak :: as piss
2. Flashy :: bling
3. Sack :: race
4. Business :: case
5. Purple :: people eater
6. Fan :: cool
7. Airline :: disaster
8. Guide :: book
9. Lunch :: box
10. Exercise :: regularly

You're a clown...

and you're not my ideal medical practitioner. Seriously, when I visit a doctor I really expect a level of professionalism.

The other day I visited my local eye care centre to have my eyes checked. All good except they didn't have the specialist equiptment needed to investigate the black spot in my vision. But their city centre did so yesterday I went to see a specialist there.

Waiting. I hate waiting rooms. This wasn't too bad I guess because I wasn't surrounded by sick looking sad people. Just healthy looking sad people. Anyhoo, the Dr comes out with his previous patient and apologises for being late, he said that I should really blame "her", pointing to his previous patient. "She was late, so now you're going to be late!" I said I didn't care less, at least I'm not at work.

He was a weird man. Very jovial. Too jovial for me. Everything was a joke to him. He did some tests wrote some stuff down on my file then wrote something on the prescription pad. He then said, "You know what? Screw this." and threw.the.pad.out.into.the.hall and said I didn't need a prescription. "You've got perfect sight, you don't need glasses." Well duh.

Yeah, I know... um but I still can't see out my right eye and they both are causing me pain every evening and morning so, let's get on with this please.

A few more tests, dye injections and colour lights flashing and he figured it out. He explained what the issue was, with diagrams. But frankly I can't even remember what he called my condition. I was not interested in listening to him any longer. It didn't sound serious and there was a simple solution of drops and massaging of the problem glands so why should I care what it's called. I just could not wait to get away from this most creepy man I've ever had to deal with.. and I've known some creeps!

Wednesday Haiku...

Sitting here unnoticed
Your tanned skin catches my eye
The sun peaks through clouds

I'm happy. People notice this. It's long but...

how often do I really give away anymore than a tiny snapshot?

Today I wasn't feeling crash hot. I seriously struggled to get out of bed. It hurt to move. My eyes were crusty. They hurt to open. Hurt even more to close again. I lay there in my bed. Looked at the time and still had half an hour until the alarm was to go off. For as long as I can remember I've been waking up before the alarm. Thoughts ran through my head like:

• I wonder what would happen if I didn't go into work?
• I could easily stay here because it doesn't hurt if I lay still and don't move.
• Stupid eyes.
• Oh crap, I'm going to have to move now anyway because I have to pee - badly.

It was that last thought that made me attempt to lift my head off the pillow. Ow. It was my torso moving that hurt as I lifted myself up. You know, I find when I make the decision to get up, there is nothing that will stop me. NOTHING. It's like: God help me if I change my mind now. To the loo. As I stand there, I have a few more moments to think.

• Geez, look at that. It's soooo yellow this morning.
  
• I wonder if not flushing during the night really makes a difference.
• I'm so sleepy, what if I didn't go to work today?
• I wonder if I could actually go back to sleep?

Nope. No chance. I had made the decision to get up. To my left, on the towel hooks, were my boardshorts. Ah-ha! Go for a swim. That will wake me up. I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and wandered to the beach. No shower, just mussy hair, pushed to one side from my pillow. Ol' sleepy head was out on the street walking to the beach. Mind you, this is 6:30am so it's not like I'm going to EVER bump into anyone.

The surf was a little rougher today than yesterday. Yesterday it was flat, I could see fish and stingrays swimming around me. Today - nothing. Just foam from the broken waves. But just the same as yesterday, and the day before, walking into the surf and picking just the right wave to dive under was refreshing.

Hey, have you ever noticed that down at the beach, at that time of morning, there are always the 65 plus crowd in the surf? They.are.always.there! I noticed this throughout the year. Even in winter. Actually, especially in winter. No one else even bothers to go in during winter, but they oldies are ALWAYS in the surf.

From out in the surf I glanced back to the HUGE clock on the side of the surf-club and realised that I better get a move on. I'm running late.

• Breakfast: Banana cut up in my home made muesli
• Quick glance online through my fave top design blogs
• Try to feed Blanket and Snuggie.
• Puzzled to figure out WHY Blanket and Snuggie have both stopped eating.

So to work. *insert sound: tape fast forwarding*My eyes hurt. I feel super tired. An "incident" at work has me BAFFLED. I wonder:

• My god, aren't YOU payed a fortune to.know.these.things?
• Hang on... I know the answer to this! I could probably show off a little here.
• I would like a coffee. Coffee coffee coffee.
• Hanging out with Mark is great.

What?!

• Hanging out with Mark is great.

By the end of today, the day I actually felt rather crap, I had three people tell me I look happy! Hmmm, I think about that...

• 10 days out from turning 40.
• FORTY.
• My eyes hurt. I really can't see stuff very well ( and my career depends on seeing!)
• People wonder why I haven't been riding my bike much

Oh -

• AND I am very happy.

I'm am so freakin' happy right now. It's a bizarre feeling.

I wrote this the other night:
Every now and then something good comes along.
Every now and then someone great comes along.
You know its good because you realise you're scared you'll lose it.
You realise you don't want to lose it because you KNOW you'll miss it when it's gone.
You realise this because you're lying there, thinking about it - holding your spare pillows, wishing it was them, and you're alone.
And you dread the day they leave your life.

I'm happy. People notice this.

Unconcious Mutterings :: Week 363

1. Resolutions :: 1024x768
2. Page :: number
3. Narrow :: passage
4. Refuse :: to do it
5. Fountain :: of youth
6. Grunt :: yeah, baby, make me...
7. Construct :: ion paper
8. Nightmare :: on Elm St
9. Inch :: by inch
10. Instant :: in an

Summer sun...

and getting out and enjoying it!

This weekend was my first full weekend at home that I've had to myself in ages. And it was a hot one too. Fantastic!

Ok, there were a couple of times where I really felt like some company, but to be able to just wander down to the beach and go for a dip was perfect. The ocean had mixed currents running along the coast this weekend and while the water remained nice and chilled, every now and then a really cold or warm pool of water would stream by. The ocean was flat and clean too.

When the water is calm like this you can see lots of fish swimming in and around you. This morning when I went down for a swim the water was still calm and as i walked into the ocean a small school of stingrays swam around my feet. At first I was a little startled because they were very hard to see against the colour of the sand, but they swam about and were very curious about me. One of then even stopped to have a little nibble/suck on the top of my foot. Creepy what.

Syrah Dolcetto...

She's my new best friend.
Actually, it's a type of red wine that I have fallen in love with. Why, why, why do I fall in love with these lesser known varieties of wine? I'm not even a red wine fan.

When it comes to wine, I seem to cling to what I know (and have known for ages). I like rich full wines. Merlots. Strong, slightly bitter yet smooth. I like that fullness in the mouth. Whites are more tricky. I like ice cold crisp dry wines. But, that's another story...

Meet Syrah Dolcetto. The most delicious red wine I have had in ages. Totally not what I go for. It's kind of like going for a blond if you're a brunet man or going for the bottom if you're usually on top... It's unexpected. Sweet. She's sweet and adds this amazing little super-fine tiny fizzy feeling on my tongue. She is different. Different to the other reds. I like that.

And she's not expensive. Win/win.

There is something fantastic about this movie...

and I LOVED it.

The Fantastic Mr Fox is a Roald Dahl story brought to life by one of my all time favourite directors, Wes Anderson.

The movie didn't go on forever like a lot of film's do these days (Avatar, I'm looking in your direction). It's a great story, very creatively animated, good music and just darn enjoyable to sit back and watch.

5 out of 5.

Unconscious Mutterings : Week 362

1. 365 :: Duh's in a year
   
2. Tombstone :: solid
3. Dumb :: dumb
4. Intrusive :: screaming child
   
5. Fat :: enemy
6. Axe :: wielding
7. Planned :: potential
8. Spike :: in volume
9. Bleach :: peroxide
10. Shopkeeper :: Mr Hooper