No really, what's going on?..

I've not been blogging a hell of a lot lately as you may have noticed. Mostly this is because I'm not a huge fan of too much whining or winging on blogs and frankly, I've hit a bit of a rough patch with my health so I've been a bit down about it. But, I've been through the worst of it now, so I can start to look forward again.

So if you want the details, by all means read on...

During my last holiday I was showering and noticed a lump where there shouldn't be a lump. It was close to my boy bits so I was a little concerned. Tried to make an appointment to see a doctor while I was away, but couldn't get in, so I just let it go. The lump was disappearing anyway.

Move forward two weeks and the lump had returned and doubled in size. Nice one. Saw doctor who immediately sent me to a specialist. Saw specialist and was sent for ultrasound. Told there was nothing to worry about. Cue out of the blue phone call a couple of days later from Specialist saying he needed to see me straight away. Specialist booked me into hospital in two weeks time for "lumpy" to be removed. More swelling, operation brought forward.

Look, I got to wear pretty socks. Actually, I hated these things. I know they are supposed to help, but I just wanted to rip them off because I hated them on my legs. 

.. So, I'm in hospital, the dude comes to collect me and wheel me into theatre. I get there, and the "simple" op is explained to me and I'm told it should only take about half an hour. The last thing I remember is being told I may feel a little light headed... and I was out like a light.

Apparently 3 minutes into the operation my lungs decided they were not going to cooperate with the surgeon. They went into some form of spasming shock. A few moments later, my stomach decided it wanted some of that spasming action. Thus forcing the contents of my stomach (which was just water and bile) up and into my spasming lungs. I was drowning and I was sleeping through it. Cool huh?! Ummm, no!

Awakening. Coughing. Oh the coughing. Ow the pain.

So, a few extra hours later, I'm back in my hospital room and the pain downstairs was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling on my face and lungs after having tubes forced down my throat and having my stomach pumped. My jaw is still bruised.

The next day I could focus on the blood covered bed. WTF had they done to me?! Let's imagine that an "X" represents my anus, this "B" represents my balls and "-" can represent some cutting.

X-----B

Yes. That's right. Peel it open and remove that nasty lump.

The wound can not be stitched. It requires daily packing and dressing. I'm lucky now that I'm home to have a nurse visit me daily for this. It is an uncomfortable location to have to be packed with padding each day, and god, don't even ask me about going to the toilet.

So on that note, I hope you forgive me for not blogging a hell of  a lot.