This morning I was approaching the ferry dock to catch my harbour chariot to work and I saw the usual line of people standing there. The closer I walked the heavier my feet became and my pace slowed. My chest tightened and before I knew it I had stopped moving all together. I was one foot away from where solid concrete became the wood of the wharf. Without so much as a pause I turned and walked in the opposite direction.
An hour later I'm now sitting on the ferry writing this wondering where the fuck my head is at.
I had walked away and settled in a cafe, ordered a large coffee and stared out the window down the street. I was in no hurry to join the masses of people in the city. I was in no hurry for anything. I just wanted my own company. It's something I've been wanting more and more. As I sat there I realised that I had never before gone and sat in a cafe to enjoy a coffee BEFORE making the journey to work. Usually I get up, shower and ready myself for work, close the door behind me and head straight for the ferry. I wait until I get to work to have a coffee, but today I didn't. I sat in the window of the cafe, looked out at the grey streets and just let my mind wander.
Where is my head at?
8 comments:
Do you find the weather / sunshine levels affect you like this?
I used to get SAD something bad during Seattle's winters (unless I was out in the snow).
I can't profess to know where your head is at - but I like where it's headed.
Mike: I don't think the weather effects me like that so much. I was actually thinking that I was lucky it was a wet weekend so I didn't feel guilty about staying in.
TM: I'm not sure I like where it's headed. :-S
Sounds like it's in a pretty good space.
As you said so yourself it's not the "Winter Blues", but something in the back of your mind made you do these things. Maybe it was premonition and you needed a break.
pffft. emo ;)
I occasionally treat myself to breakfast before work (like today). It's a nice way to start the day.
Err, that came across kind of wrong... I like the whole breaking from the masses thing. Stopping for a coffee, standing outside and looking in. To me that represents a refreshing change from the monotinous routine that runs our lives.
Worry less about your head - heads are lofty things that wander randomly. Concern yourself with your heart. Is it warm, does it sing, does it every so often skip a beat? If you can answer yes then a million grey days wouldn't be enough to keep you down.
hope your head is a little clearer muz...if your headed to bd would be good to catch up.
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