Truth or dare - Part 3

The following two questions can be answered with this one post and through the ancient art of the toast.. It’s going to be longer than a normal post so grab a glass of your favorite drink and maybe you'll want to raise your glass at the end. Feel free to skip it if you loose interest half way through... But you will miss my toast at the end.
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In the Truth or Dare Post, you mentioned that you already cross paths (or may have) with your soul mate. I wonder if you could tell us more?
And –
You seem a free spirit and to have a high energy level as evident of your travels and active life. Have you always been that way or have you experienced some financial success that only recently allows for such a lifestyle?

I've always had an active and adventurous life. I do thrive on it. I had spent from 1996 to February this year living with the same person. He was someone who I could share my adventures with and who I really adored, and if the truth be told, I still do to this day. We had many adventures together and led a bit of a life that was once described as the "pepsi max" lifestyle. We were ultra compatible. We laughed together at the same things, we listened to the same music, and we loved diving and mountain biking together. We learnt to surf together, we travelled together, we enjoyed socialising together and we shared the same friends together. We did everything together… This possibly proved to be our downfall. We had lost a certain amount of our individuality. We were truly devoted to each other and each other’s needs. No one could crack our bond. Or so I thought.

We were ultra protective of our relationship but we were also careless with it. We were filling every second of our time out of work with an activity. Most of the time I was happy to go along with whatever my partner suggested. You see, I just loved doing things with him. It wasn't about the stuff we were doing, it was the fact that I had a buddy to do things with. But when one of us decided to not go along the whole weekend would be canceled and both of us would miss out and I would sulk around at home. This usually ended with us heading to a local pub and drinking to get over our moody time at home then re-grouping for a big hug. This worked well for us for a while. But towards the end we began to resent each other for deciding what the other person was doing. Even worse for me was that it was becoming more obvious that my suggestions for things to do were being rejected more frequently. It was an easier option to not suggest something that I wanted to do and just go along with his suggestions. After all, I was doing things I liked with the guy I was in love with. However, my confidence in my own ideas being worthy was slowly being eroded and my dependence on his suggestions for things to do was growing.

I was losing myself to the relationship. We needed external stimuli. My partner and I looked for an influence who we could do things together with and also alone when one of us wasn't interested… We were making some new friends. I had managed to somehow find someone who I was very compatible with and who fired my imagination and creativity. That's something my partner was unable to do for me. I began to spend a lot of time with my new found friend. We would have to have our own adventures together because no one else understood our creative mischievous leanings. We would wag work together and hang out in the sun in the local cemetery and talk about our art. We quickly and briefly became cohorts and “underground street artists”. We did some very creative outdoor projects together, including one daring piece of mid evening street art that covered the whole hoarding of a building on the main street in full public view. I was being adventurous in a whole new way and I was loving it. We were even being mistaken for being "partners" - we were nothing but partners in crime. Then an evil green eyed monster came wrapping at my relationship’s door and he was ready to put up a fight. I lost that fight and in the process lost the greatest influence on my life. I struggled to recover and instead of just moving on I chose the path of resentment. My partner and I both had lost some respect for each other and I was hurting deeply. Strangely, my reaction to this was to build a façade around my life and I fell deeper into dependence on my partner to provide me with the adventure I needed. On we went even further into cramming things to do into every spare moment.

A year or so later two major events happened that were to change my relationship forever. My partner introduced me to one of his friends he had met online and I bought myself a motorbike. My partner’s friend was also a biker and the three of us hit it off and we were inseparable. We spent many happy nights together and even holidays. My confidence and independence were growing daily now that I had my own wheels. I could go where ever and when ever I wanted. I had some new freedom where I was fully myself and every decision I was making was for me and me alone. I really liked the independence. So long as we were honest about where and when we were going and about what we were doing everything seemed ok. But the doorbell of our relationship rang once more and who was standing there? That green eyed monster. But this time it was me who had invited him in. This time we wouldn’t recover.

It hurt me, more than I can ever explain, to have found out from a third party that my partner and my friend were together being less than honest with me about the time they spent together. My heart was broken and my reaction lacked the cool that I had previously been able to maintain. The end of this chapter in my life was written. It was both our fault that we didn’t survive this. I’m positive that we really could have resolved this had we not been two stubborn men and had I not reacted the way I did. But, at that time, I could not find it in my heart to forgive this break in my trust and, above all else, our loyalty.

What did I gain from this?
Fear: Not always a bad thing. Fear is a good warning so long as we acknowledge it and deal with it. However, I now fear this happening in my life again. The flipside -
Strength: The ability to voice my desires without fear. A sense that I am responsible to no one but myself for how I feel and how I react. The burning desire to not lose my growing individuality and that I should rely on me.
Knowledge: I have an ability to believe in myself and when I do the most wonderful things can happen. I have learnt to trust my gut feelings. I have learnt that my gut feelings are worth telling people about. I know that I can have an adventure all on my own... but I've learnt I just love sharing with someone who too is really into the adventure.
Confidence: This is where my free spirit grows. I know that having a desire to do something is not enough, you have to accept opportunities as they come along and say “yes” more than you would say “no”.
Friendship: I have special people in my life now that I trust unreservedly. I want to share adventures with them and they invite me to be part of their adventures. These friendships are what now fosters my sense of adventure and creativity. I enjoy sharing all of this with those people who are special to me.

Oh, and a fuckin' hot and sexy tattoo on my bicep that says "LOYALTY".

The answer to the last question is that I've always had an adventurous life, but recently I've been given opportunities to acknowledge and trust myself to knock it up a notch. I’m still a big kid at heart.

I know I have a lot to share with anyone who gives me the honesty and respect that I know I deserve.

So, I guess this is the toast I raise my glass to:

"To adventure and misadventure." Cheers.