Kids these days...

Metaphors from Year 12 English essays: (Thanks D for sharing)
  1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master
  2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pin hole in it.
  3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime beef.
  4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever
  6. He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.
  7. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't
  9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a supermarket bag filled with vegetable soup.
  10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on holiday in another city and Sex in the City comes on at 9:00pm instead of 9:30.
  11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  12. The hailstone leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
  13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  14. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted.
  15. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  16. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  17. "Oh, Jason, Take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.
  18. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  19. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended on slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  20. He was deeply in love. When he spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  21. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
  22. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  23. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now it's your turn. Get creative and complete the following using a metaphor:

"Within an instant his heart broke..."


Crystal said...

Within an instant his heart broke... His disappointment inside was just like when you open a Kinder Surprise and you realise you've just got the same damn toy as the previous one you opened.

Love these metaphors. Very funny.

Kezza said...

... like a toddlers trike that had been sat on by an overweight parent. (Lame!!!)

... like the remote control on a cheap TV, just before an the millionth repeat of an episode of Friends. (Lame!!!)

Far out Muz, it's not as easy as it sounds! Obviously I need to go back to school so I can learn some of these new metaphors!

Monty said...

...like a virgin's hymen on a first date! :-)

YarravillePaul said...

... like the super-collider in Cern, gigantic yet fragile...

wcs said...

...like the fuel line of a Yamaha after unsuccessfully negotiating a sandy corner.

Muzbot said...

wcs: That's just cruel. :)

Muzbot said...

broke... like a Milk Arrowroot being dipped into a cup of coffee for way too long.

Mike said...

...when he discovered that these didn't come from yr 12 kids, but the annual Bulwer Lytton contest.

yani said...

Within an instant his heart broke like one of those cheap bowls you buy from Ikea for $2.

Grand Taste Master said...

broke like when he went to the store and they had run out of iphones.
(ok happened to me)

Darth Gateau said...

...like a pregnant woman's waters, only less wet and not the beginning of something joyful.

Tom Cat from Bondi Beach said...

Within an instant his heart broke ...

like when his 5th grade teacher told him he had spelt 'mortgage' incorrectly in thespelling bee.

[OK I pinched it from a TV Advert!]

when he realised his hot date was blowin' half the footy team in the Men's toilets !

[OK I pinched that from the News 2 weeks ago]

Art imitating life :)

Anonymous said...

Within an instant his heart broke....like the crotch of an inexperienced male gymnast on the pummel horse!.....oooooh ouch!

muzbot ur one made me LOL ur hilarious : )